Squeaky's Undisclosed Location

Home of the only Left-Handed, Jewish, Cherokee Girl in the Dirty South

Saturday, February 18, 2006

Dear Middle East and Parts of South Asia,

When those comics were first published, I totally empathized with you. I thought the talking head Anderson Cooper's show was an ass for saying that no one should have apologized for the offensive drawings.

But now? What tha? What's going on, guys? Cartoons mocking the Holocaust? Killing people? Offering ransoms for the murders of the Danish cartoonists?

Seriously stop.

Especially you, Iran and Pakistan. Sheena is Iranian and the HOTTEST guy at my school in DC was from Pakistan (seriously, the man was gorgeous), so I've tried to give you a second chance. However, now y'all are just being ridiculous. Grow up.



Saturday, February 11, 2006

The Lunch Bunch

My school has five different lunch periods, and by some twist of fate, I don't have a single ood friend in my lunch. It's alright though, I've been eating with Mindy "Drives Sans-License" Abou Taleb and Nick "I'm Not Gay" Rhodes from my English class.

Friday, Mindy was at a choir trip instead of school, so it was just me and Nick at lunch. I'm not super buddy-buddy with Nick, so a small part of me was afraid I would endure 30 minutes of awkward silence with the kid.

However, this was not the case. Why? Because I asked Nick about his favorite subject.


That boy talked for 30 solid minutes about the following things:

  1. His girlfriend
  2. His "newly devirginized lips" (his words not mine, apparently he had his first kiss last week)
  3. The "jerk" that asked his girlfriend to a dance
  4. His Mormonism
  5. His want to experience new religions
  6. His Mormon parents that won't let him do such experimenting
  7. Famous peope he's met
  8. Prank calls
  9. California & his longing to go back to San Diego
  10. His attraction to fair skinned people (which is code for "I like white girls!")
  11. The fact that he doesn't stereotype people
  12. His friendliness & amiability ("I just go talk to people, I'm not intimidated if they're 'popular'. I just walk up and say 'Hi". That is why people like me. I mean, I'm not 'popular' in the sense that I party, but I have a lot of friends and everybody knows who I am.")

Finally the lunch bell rang, and he was silenced. All I can say is, thank goodness Mindy will be back on Tuesday.

Monday, February 06, 2006

I Bet This is a Jewish Conspiracy

When The Book of Daniel cast a liberal depiction of Jesus, the Christian religion was under attack and NBC was forced to cancel the show with the tres beau Aiden Quinn. After all, Jesus was talking to a priest with a gay son and a pot dealing daughter. NBC is obviously hates Christians.

When European newspapers run political cartoons depicting Muhammed with a bomb in his turban, well, then those crazy Muslims are just overreacting. I mean, its not like it is against Islamic idealology to draw pictures of the holiest prophet in the Islamic religion. Obviously, the Muslim world just hates free speech.

Mmm...hypocrisy...it's delicious.

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Varsity, Jr.

Remember when I was bouncing off the walls because school soccer was starting? You should. That was, like, two posts ago.

Anyways, I'm on JV. I figured I would be. Just because I lurve soccer, doesn't mean I'm fantastico at it. So, that is all fine and dandy because I'll get enourmous amount of playing time on JV and I know I'll get pulled up to Varsity later.

Well...you know what isn't cool about JV? The fact that we suck. Like no joke. The JV team is tredding AYSO territory here. It's terrible because half of the JV is really good and is just a little bit short from Varsity, while the other half can't chest the ball because they mess up and hurt their boobs.

Yesterday, Coach Jack talked to us about speed dribbling. Then he had to tell us how to kick the ball so it stays on the ground (locked ankle, foot up, follow through with knee). Yes, it is that remedial.

What also sucks is the size of the JV. We have 14 players. At first I'm thinking, "Yeah! Lots of playing time!" Then I realize that it means atleast 4 really bad players will be playing at all time. Of course, someone is going to tear an ACL*, and it'll probably be one of the ten good players.

We would have had more players on the team, but some girls decided to "negotiate" with the coaches when they found out they made JV. And by "negotiate" I mean "cried and got their mommy to call the Head Coach and complain until he agreed to put the kid on Varsity". Atleast Cute Coach isn't coaching my high school team, because then the only way to get on Varsity would be to act like a slut and hop into a jacuzzi with him**.

Another good thing about such a sorry JV? I have a good chance of being el capitano.
* Cuz, someone always tears an ACL. Why is that? Why not an those other ligaments? And why doesn't the boys team tear ACLs at the rate the girls team does?

** Actually, that's mean. I talked to Cute Coach recently and he told me his side of the story. He didn't smoke pot or drink with Chaslini & Marilu, and he made them do the laundry. Something about Chaslini washing my dirty socks makes me so happy. I still think he's a dumb frat boy, though. I just wish he wasn't so damn hot.