Squeaky's Undisclosed Location

Home of the only Left-Handed, Jewish, Cherokee Girl in the Dirty South

Thursday, June 23, 2005

Sub(urb) Way System

In a few months, I'll move back to (undisclosed location) which is the origin of my birth. One-fourth of me is excited to see my lovely friends. The other three-fourths however is throwing a temper tantrum about having to move back to a place with no public transportation.

I need to please the spoiled three-fourths of me, or else I'll most likely kill myself upon realization that if I want to avoid waking up in the wee hours of the morning and riding the school bus, I must do the following:

a) Get a license
b) Get a car
c) Get car insurance
d) Get a parking pass for school
e) Buy gas

I really don't want to do any of those things. However, what can I do, except propose the following plan:

The Sub(urb) Way System
as Proposed by Squeaky

a) Build a Subway system
b) Give it a snappy name that reflects (undisclosed location), hence "The Sub(urb) Way"
c) Use tax dollars to build the Sub(urb) Way, instead of using the tax dollars to build golf courses
d) Install trains with "pick-up" truck like beds in the back. This will asisst people who are required to move heavy objects with them such as mulch, tractors, and furniture

FAQ: The Sub(urb) Way System

+How will this benefit our community?
The sub(urb) way will benefit our community in many ways.
a) The area will be cleaner with less cars to pollute the atmosphere.
b) There will be a lower demand for gasoline and as a result gas needed to power your tractors will decrease in price.
c) This is a great way to meet people.
d) This will encourage excercize as people must walk to stations
e) This will help economic growth. With less tax dollars being spent on road repairs, we can use that money to benefit such things as the school system which is very bad.

+How much will this cost?
There are to options: The DC Plan, or the New York Plan
The DC Plan: Fares determined on length of travel.
The New York Plan: Fares always at a set rate.
The choice is yours, citizens of (undisclosed location).

+What will we take funding from to build this Sub(urb) Way?
Naturally, golf courses.

+This isn't liberal witchcraft is it?
No, honestly, lots of places have these. I'll personally make sure the liberals aren't practicing voodoo in the front car.

+Are you sure?
Positive.

+Are you some sort of genius?
Well, not really. I'm simply a person with a dream to unite all of (undisclosed location).

+Would you like to go to Church services with me on Wednesday?
I'm sorry, but I'm Jewish. Thanks for the offer.